Stock market gold!

Now is the time to make millions from human misery. At Lazenbee, we've been doing just that for over 40 years. The key is to create human desires by privatising human need. And we can help you unlock this strategy - but only if you are willing to trade in your very soul.

To make enquiries, just stick your head out of your window, and wait until we contact you with vital mind mail.

No disconnect here

One from the archive

In its many years of service, our wholly-owned subsidiary Contagion Media Group has proven time and time again that not only can they deliver, but they can also miss the point.

After all, the European Union is there to deliver when national governments can't. As Prof EK Blankenship has stressed, the goal is "the privatisation of the public." Certainly no one in the Behaviour Actualisation Community has a problem with that.

But the afore-mentioned public do seem to perceive a problem - in fact, several. And frankly, the ham-fisted "modernisation" of today's presenters does not help. Desperate attempts at muscle-flexing are not uplifting or diverting, so are clearly not going to move anyone in a focus group.

Clearly, the presentation isn't working.

Scene

Morning

New Year's Resolution

"We are not hated because we practice democracy, freedom and human rights. We are hated because our government denies these things to people in Third World countries whose resources are coveted by our multinational corporations. That hatred we have sown has come back to haunt us in the form of terrorism -- and in the future, nuclear terrorism.

Once the truth about why the threat exists is understood, the solution becomes obvious. We must change our ways. Getting rid of our nuclear weapons -- unilaterally if necessary -- will enhance our security. Drastically altering our foreign policy will ensure it.

Instead of sending our sons and daughters around the world to kill Arabs so we can have the oil under their sand, we should send them to rebuild their infrastructure, supply clean water and feed starving children. Instead of continuing to kill thousands of Iraqi children every day with our sanctions, we should help Iraqis rebuild their electric power plants, their water treatment facilities, their hospitals -- all the things we destroyed and prevented them from rebuilding with sanctions.

Instead of training terrorists and death squads, we should close the School of the Americas. Instead of supporting insurrection, destabilization, assassination and terror around the world, we should abolish the CIA and give the money to relief agencies.

In short, we should do good instead of evil. Who would try to stop us? Who would hate us? Who would want to bomb us?"
-Robert Bowman, 1998

A joyful noise

We at Lazenbee are delighted to be able to share some of our delightful new "music", designed to bring about the privatisation of the public. Be sure to let your neighbours know. We will be monitoring your progress.

A tribute to bold and dynamic thinking

Lazenbee Industries salutes an American hero