Stock market gold!

Now is the time to make millions from human misery. At Lazenbee, we've been doing just that for over 40 years. The key is to create human desires by privatising human need. And we can help you unlock this strategy - but only if you are willing to trade in your very soul.

To make enquiries, just stick your head out of your window, and wait until we contact you with vital mind mail.

No disconnect here

One from the archive

In its many years of service, our wholly-owned subsidiary Contagion Media Group has proven time and time again that not only can they deliver, but they can also miss the point.

After all, the European Union is there to deliver when national governments can't. As Prof EK Blankenship has stressed, the goal is "the privatisation of the public." Certainly no one in the Behaviour Actualisation Community has a problem with that.

But the afore-mentioned public do seem to perceive a problem - in fact, several. And frankly, the ham-fisted "modernisation" of today's presenters does not help. Desperate attempts at muscle-flexing are not uplifting or diverting, so are clearly not going to move anyone in a focus group.

Clearly, the presentation isn't working.

Scene

Morning

New Year's Resolution

"We are not hated because we practice democracy, freedom and human rights. We are hated because our government denies these things to people in Third World countries whose resources are coveted by our multinational corporations. That hatred we have sown has come back to haunt us in the form of terrorism -- and in the future, nuclear terrorism.

Once the truth about why the threat exists is understood, the solution becomes obvious. We must change our ways. Getting rid of our nuclear weapons -- unilaterally if necessary -- will enhance our security. Drastically altering our foreign policy will ensure it.

Instead of sending our sons and daughters around the world to kill Arabs so we can have the oil under their sand, we should send them to rebuild their infrastructure, supply clean water and feed starving children. Instead of continuing to kill thousands of Iraqi children every day with our sanctions, we should help Iraqis rebuild their electric power plants, their water treatment facilities, their hospitals -- all the things we destroyed and prevented them from rebuilding with sanctions.

Instead of training terrorists and death squads, we should close the School of the Americas. Instead of supporting insurrection, destabilization, assassination and terror around the world, we should abolish the CIA and give the money to relief agencies.

In short, we should do good instead of evil. Who would try to stop us? Who would hate us? Who would want to bomb us?"
-Robert Bowman, 1998

A joyful noise

We at Lazenbee are delighted to be able to share some of our delightful new "music", designed to bring about the privatisation of the public. Be sure to let your neighbours know. We will be monitoring your progress.

A tribute to bold and dynamic thinking

Lazenbee Industries salutes an American hero

The Impossible Dream

As Prof Blankenship has noted, there are moments when the Behaviour Actualisation Community can simply sit back and relax. This is one of them.

An important message from Lazenbee Industries

Reaction to the Tommy Sheridan sex case

Fear Management

Since the early days of Lazenbee, back in the mid 80's, we've worked hard to "re-direct the flow", and we've been fairly successful. It's clear when you see that debate has been all but obliterated in politics and journalism that we've had some effect. But halfway there is like halfway pregnant - it ain't happenin'.

So while we're gladdened by the vacuous nature of the exchanges between Our Dear Leader and the "opposition", our spirits again become deflated by the frankly inept handling of some of the most basic techniques of Behaviour Actualisation.

So let's have a recap: don't start something you can't finish. Follow-through is the whole point.

Diplomacy - with a vengeance!

As always, we're charmed to see America's sweetheart threatening to use diplomacy, but we fear that it may not have the desired effect, for reasons that Prof Blankenship has outlined elsewhere. Suffice it to say, this may have all the pulling power of "An Evening with Alistair Campbell".

But how it brings back memories of an earlier, more temperate age. It was 1967, and our own Lars Kefauver had passed the high water mark of his career. He was beginning what was to be a six-week run at Jimmy Wong's and had hit on the idea of trying to "re-tool" contemporary popular music.

Suffice it to say, his own brand of strident patriotism, free-jazz and abuse missed it's mark. Few who were there will forget the sight of a red-faced, sweaty and goggle-eyed Lars being dragged off the stage, screaming "Go to hell you f****ing beatniks! I claw your eyes out!", and then tossing raw meat into the audience, exhorting them to "smoke that!".

Will Ms Rice's intervention have the same effect on her desired audience? Only time will tell...

"For the moment, however, a different understanding of freedom reigned supreme, one that reveled in the unimpeded reign of economic enterprise, yet tolerated the coercive surveillance of private life and individual conscience. The proposerity of the 1920s and the elimination of "widespread poverty" (or so President Hoover claimed in his inaugural address of 1929) seemed to vindicate this definition of freedom. When the economic crash came, it would be swept aside..."
-Eric Foner, The Story of American Freedom, pp. 192-3

a child of democracy struggling to be born

Progressive pre-emption

Much as we adore the self-satirising nature of Our Dear Leader, we at Lazenbee feel duty bound to point out to the Behaviour Actualisation community that bad form is no substitute for full spectrum dominance.
After all, if this keeps up, the "people" may start to notice.

Euston - we have a problem!

"It is an old and historically established maxim that obsolete social forces, nominally still in possession of all the attributes of power and continuing to vegetate long after the basis of their existence has rotted away, inasmuch as the heirs are quarrelling among themselves over the inheritance even before the obituary notice has been printed and the testament read -- that these forces once more summon all their strength before their agony of death, pass from the defensive to the offensive, challenge instead of giving way, and seek to draw the most extreme conclusions from premises which have not only been put in question but already condemned."

A "special" relationship

"...can I buy you dinner?"

Back with a vengeance

"What is unbelievably depressing about the...government's response is that they see, in the evidence about greenhouse gases, not an opportunity to promote environmental concern but a chance to make the case for nuclear power."